They are manipulating us and it is getting worse. Tricks, hoaxes, fake news… Television, social media, political agendas or unscrupulous salespeople are very effective manipulators. We often miss their strategies and fall victim to them.
It is time to prevent that.
So let's see top 11 strategies against manipulation.
Save this material, and if you feel like it's being tampered with or something's wrong, use what's here. It will be very useful both on a personal and professional level.
(* 11 *) The most basic shield against tampering
The most basic and effective defense method against manipulation is integrated as standard.
It's called reactance.
In psychology, reactance is the natural reaction to rebel when you become aware that someone or something is trying to limit your freedom of choice.
Es por la Reactancia que su client no quiere que le vendan o su amigo que le convenzan de algo que no piensa. Es es por ello que que expert manipulators start their chess moves under the radar so that our reactance does not trip.
You cannot defend yourself from something you do not perceive, therefore the first step to defend ourselves from manipulation is intentar detectarla como be.
The moment someone perceives that they are trying to convince or manipulate them, reactance instinctively shoots up and barriers are raised. Therefore, we begin to deny fundamental principles, get defensive and even dismiss things that are clearly for our good.
Piense en el adolescente rebelde que no hace caso a consejos lógicos, o en ese cliente que deja pasar una posibilidad real y valiosa. Es la reactancia haciendo su papel. Las persons no anhelamos entregar nuestra libertad, debido a que eso significa que perdemos status before the other, who has convinced us and, therefore, has imposed his will on us.
The fundamental principle of a manipulation is that the real agenda of the manipulator remains hidden, so that he does what he does and wants to convince us "for our good."
But in the case of the manipulator it is not for our sake reality. The fundamental difference between manipulation and persuasion is that the manipulator is only interested in his profit and does not care what happens to us, that is why he will use tactics that persuasion does not apply, such as false information or emotion to the extreme.
In practice, this means that knowing more about manipulation and its mechanisms makes us more immune.
Dicho de otra forma, que el mero hecho de leer este contents le hará más resistente a ser manipulado, debido a que will begin to recognize the patterns and tricks they use to deceive us.
With this fundamental principle of reactance clear, here are the most effective self-defense strategies against a manipulator.
Strategy 1.- Asepsia y evitación total
In other words, not come within miles of a manipulator, to avoid contact and contagion as much as possible.
Of all the strategies, this is the most effective. It is not the most epic, but it does work the best. In reality, the first security strategy in any circumstance is always avoidance by all means.
The basic strategy to win a battle with a manipulator is not access in battle. That is the only correct maneuver because any other has consequences.
A manipulator is an expert in fighting in the mud, from behind and with low blows, if we go down to his ground, he will win us.
In bad times, both personal and business, there is a temptation to listen to more doubtful clients, frequent worse companies, fall into schemes of "get rich effortlessly" or "it is always the fault of others" (therefore better to end with them).
We have to avoid that as much as possible, we have to leave them alone and put a bell of silence on the manipulator.
It is far better to pass up a "chance" to work with a manipulator than to get bogged down with one.
No one goes around exposing themselves to the flu just to show how strong they are. Our main strategy with a disease and with manipulation must be the same: not to access their radius of action as far as is feasible.
Strategy 2.- Cut the rope in one fell swoop, as soon as possible
The former is the best strategy, but it is impossible to avoid the 100% falling into manipulation. Sometimes they will catch us off guard and, at other times, circumstances will drag us into a situation, whether we like it or not.
There will also be times when it will be friends, family or acquaintances who will find themselves in a manipulative situation. And we will have to be involved in their help.
In these circumstances, and from experience, the appropriate strategy is cut ties with the manipulator as soon as possible. We will do it quickly, as if it were a clean blow of the sword. Later, we take all the feasible distance.
I know it may seem suggestive to be the vigilante and believe that we are not going to be fooled, but resist the temptation. Every minute you spend with a manipulator, you will be draining precious energy. The strategy, if we are there, is disengage from the fight as soon as possible, "Hit" only to gain distance and subsequently avoid further contact in the future.
If you are in business with a manipulator, finalize any contracts, say no to the slightest thing you propose, seek external support and do not isolate yourself listening only to the manipulator.
Strategy 3.- Never directly confront a manipulator if you can avoid it
If he does, he will flee by other paths, mount the number, play the victim or use one of the many tricks in his hat.
We have to be smarter than them.
If you detect a manipulator, do not go straight for it, look for an indirect angle and strike with one of the following strategies to separate from its influence and distance yourself.
I repeat, don't go to direct war.
Strategy 4.- Never, totally never, lose your temper
As the Americans say: "Business is business". This phrase alludes to a philosophy whereby there is no reason for the emotional to get in the way of business. With that mentality of separating the professional from the personal, many businesses take huge (business) stabs and solve them with a: "They are just business".
The lesson to be learned is that, in business and against manipulation you don't lose your temper never.
If the emotion surfaces the manipulator wins. If you don't succeed, you start to despair, use more tactics violent and putting himself in evidence, making mistakes, discovering his game and losing the ability to manipulate.
The manipulator seeks the brawl and that the other loses the papers, we have to turn it around and use that strategy against him. We must know that every second that we do not lose our temper and do not get carried away by emotion, we are winning.
Never be completely upset by a manipulator, be it in a personal or professional situation. Let's see the situation for what it is, a surgical operation to remove it from our environment and not do more damage.
It will squirm, scream and kick, getting louder and dirtier, like when little children get angry. But if we hold the guy, he loses.
Strategy 5.- In business, everything in writing
If the manipulator does not want to sign a contract, says that "it is not necessary", that there is trust or something equivalent, ignore it.
Everything in business must be written and legal, in that way, we will close the doors to many manipulations, blackmail and cheating.
In the event that confrontation has to be reached, we will have papers, evidence and an impeccable position in accordance with the law.
If you have to fight to the last resort, pass the documents to a lawyerLet him fight because it is his job and for that they pay him. Dedicate yourself to growing your company or living your life.
Take a strong and legal position from the start. Thus, if you have to fight, it will not cost you to win.
If you do not want to sign or want to keep it informal, it means that you are serious about business, and that is why serious entrepreneurs sign everything in writing, it is the professional thing and the right thing to do. At the same time, so he is also protected if we do something that we should not.
Some time ago, a good entrepreneur friend found himself immersed in the hands of a manipulative manager. It took too long to cut the rope, it was believed that he could beat him when he had discovered the game (instead of walking away and disinfecting) and fell into the trap of confidence. In that "no contract was necessary for it."
It is always necessary.
The result was an economic hole of about eleven thousand euros in just a few months (we are talking about a relatively small business), thanks to funds that, directly, the manipulator stayed.
Later, as they are all known to each other at the time of the fight, he threatened to denounce him for having a time without a contract and that he wanted more money in exchange for leaving without noise or judgment. The other party could not prove that he was guilty of the outrages and theft of funds, even though it was obvious and known ...
This is all real 100% and sadly typical.
Before the showdown, he was a cool person full of smiles and so-called good ideas., that is another typical trait of the manipulator. When things started to go wrong, then he was an expert at blaming others, twisting the situation and convincing them not to cut the rope. Meanwhile, he kept hurting and collecting more money until there was no other choice.
A written contract (which this manipulator rejected from the start) would have solved everything.
Strategy 6.- Learn to interpret the signals
It is essential to recognize a manipulator and be aware of our own emotional state in a negotiation, sale or discussion with one.
The 4 main clues that should set off the alarms because we are in front of a professional liar are:
1) Insulation
Try to isolate ourselves in a conversation, a situation or that we do not consult or talk about something with others are signs of manipulation. Isolation is a typical manipulative tactic that is imperative, for example, in cults and cults to make them work.
Any sensible person who proposes something to us has no problem in consulting other opinions.
2) rush and pressure
When someone tries to get us to rashly buy a product, sign a contract, make any decision, or go out of business, then something stinks.
You have to distance yourself, consult other options and choose calmly.
We should never make an important choice in a rush or in an upset emotional state.
Which connects to the next signal.
3) Excess of emotions
Be careful when an excess of emotionality is used in the speeches that they make us or in the situations in which they put us, it is very likely that they are trying to manipulate us.
I have seen in person how certain unethical companies in the self-help field act, by way of example. They organize weekends in which attendees are isolated (see previous sign) in a hotel or Spa, they are put in an altered and highly elevated emotional state (with exercises, practices and speeches that strike a chord).
Then all of that is leveraged to market more expensive training programs and programs, anyway, in a rush and pressure using a false shortage (another typical manipulation trick).
If you can put someone in an emotional state sufficiently altered, you can make them believe what you want.
4) Excess "love" and attention
One of the preferred strategies of cults to attract followers is what is called the «Love bomb». It is characterized by the fact that everyone accepts you unconditionally, smiles at you and behaves as if you are the best thing that has happened to them in life, even when they barely know you.
There is no criticism, no one says no to anything, all are gestures and smiles of acceptance.
Acceptance is a very hard drug for anyone, but fundamentally for those who have barely been able to achieve it, the lonely, the marginalized or, basically, those who are going through a bad time. That can be all and those are the scapegoats.
Make no mistake, we can all fall into the «Love bomb».
Likewise, the lack of seriousness, overconfidence, the refusal to sign contracts or agreements because everyone here "is friends" ... All of these are generally signs of manipulation.
Strategy 7.- In case of doubt about whether we are being victims of manipulation, save time
One thing is for an offer to expire on day X and another is for the manipulator to tell us now or never, maybe even with bad manners. Before someone who asks us for a hasty yes or no, our tactic should be never give an immediate answer.
Manipulators, unlike salespeople who basically have urgency, will try not to give us time to think, because that is the only way these techniques work.
Use phrases to delay, such as: "What you are proposing is very interesting and it deserves that I think about it with time", or: «I'll keep it in mind and give you an answer ...».
Strategy 8.- If in doubt, also say that you want to get a second opinion to see the manipulator's reaction
Equivalent to the previous strategy of time, for this case we say that we long for a second opinion.
Even when we are responsible for the decision to be made, we can always say that we must consult someone else: a lawyer, our spouse, a friend who is an expert on the subject ...
It is simply trying to get out of isolation traps with fundamental principles that are difficult to disprove.
A desperate effort on the part of the other so that we do not consult a superior or an expert is a sign that we are certainly being manipulated.
Actually, these two strategies work as a manipulator detector and to differentiate them from someone who, basically, is in a delicate situation and insists.
Strategy 9.- Do not give in to a manipulator or in the most inoffensive details
If you think you are facing a manipulator, don't say yes to anything. It doesn't matter how innocent he seems.
If we do, we are at risk of using cognitive dissonance (one of the fundamental principles of persuasion) to make us take a seemingly harmless step and then gradually get more agreement on our part.
When we realize it, it has pushed us to the bottom of the web.
If you know that you are facing a manipulator, never get closer than essential, never say yes and never think you have it all under control.
It must be said that no more frequently and we are not obliged to justify this refusal, we are within our right and "No" is a complete sentence.
If he insists, we we say the same no, we do not add additional excuses that can be grabbed. Manipulators are adept at emotional blackmail and trying to come up with those excuses to see how to turn them around.
Estrategia 10.- Tenga muy claro el target inicial que tiene en mente
This is the first golden rule of negotiation, but it should be remembered for any circumstance in which we interact with a manipulator.
If your purpose in talking or negotiating with a manipulator is vague and fuzzy, you will end up at the point that the manipulator wants.
Be very clear about what you want. Never confront a manipulator without knowing precisely what you want to get out of the interaction.
If you want to cut ties with the manipulator, focus everything to cut these ties and do not move from there. If you want to hear what he has to say and then reflect with time, with other opinions and without pressure, keep that in mind and do not allow anything else to happen.
Listen to him, and then don't let the manipulator get to anything other than the goal you have in mind.
Since this is the real world, you should have an ideal goal in mind and then a realistic goal, being prepared to compromise (even if not easily) from that ideal goal to the real one. But that is the minimum limit, do not give another step.
Know your destiny, as far as you can give in and then do like Ulysses on the way back from Troy. Hold on tight to your targets and resist any manipulative siren calls.
Strategy 11. Never use the same weapons as a manipulator
There is a powerful temptation to use weapons of manipulation against the manipulator. To respond with fallacies, try to isolate him, do emotional blackmail or put on the act ourselves to increase that emotion in the situation.
Do not fall for that, because they are based on lies and that has practical consequences. I don't want to sound like a preacher, but they never come out for free.
There is a red line that delimits persuasion, and on the other side are manipulation techniques. The first few times, this line commands us respect and it is difficult to cross it. But when we have crossed it the first time, and have fallen into manipulating in an unethical way, even if it is for a legitimate purpose, the line becomes blurred. That way, it is much easier to transfer it again a second time.
Do it a few more times and the line will be completely erased and we will have become one of them.
But it is that, at the same time, manipulation is not necessary.
En esta misma Web hay una gran cantidad material sobre persuasión ética para aprender, puede utilizar la escasez sin necesidad de aislar o presionar, puede utilizar la disonancia cognitiva sin que sea una trampa para pluck to a victim.
Always remember to have an ethic, because if one thing I have learned is that manipulators don't end well.
